It's strange how as time goes on, and the older you get, how you perceive things changes as you get older. Take for example, friends and family. How I perceived them when I was in high school, changed drastically, to how I now look at them.
With family, when I was little growing up, the way it was shown in movies, and TV shows, was very different to what it actually was, at least that's how I now see it. In movies, and TV shows, it was shown as a happy family, or friends that got along with each other, and if your wondering, yes I saw sad movies, of families that were not happy, and friends that back stabbed each other. What I didn't know, or understand at the time, was that in real life, things are not always that simple, that sometimes, it's a mixture of both.
Looking back on it all now, I honestly don't remember it all perfectly, I mean, if I try hard enough, yes the memories will come back to me, but it's honestly not that pleasant of a thing for me to experience. But from I do remember, the friendships I had in high school, at the time, I thought that I would stay friends with them forever, it never occurred to me, that after high school, that eventually most of the friends you had in high school, you would stop talking to them over time. No one really explained that to me, I honestly thought that you would stay friends with them, and the friends you would make in college, you'd keep those too, and just go to each other's weddings and stuff. So, if someone were to tell me, that eventually almost all the friends I had in high school, that over a decade later, you wouldn't be friends with them, and most of them, you would stop speaking to. I don't know, looking back on it all now, it just feels strange in a way, maybe not sad, but just something that I wasn't expecting to happen.
I know, that me talking about all this, probably sounds silly, or childish, but I figure, I can't be the only one who feels this way. Or how I assumed, that after high school, I would go to college, then get married afterwards, have kids, and basically have the happily ever after, ya that didn't happen how I picture it. If someone would have told me, that after high school, I wouldn't be in college, but instead, be working as a CNA, and taking care of my mom, I honestly wouldn't have believed them. My point, is that as much as you think things will go according to plan, sometimes in life, they don't, the plans you have might not happen, or the plans you have in your life might change. Sometimes that's a good thing, and other times, it's a bad thing, but overall, sometimes, things don't go according to plan. No one prepared me for that, or explained that to me either. There's a lot of aspects to adulthood that I never considered, nor was I fully prepared for.
That eventually things in life change, people change, and that not everything stays the same, that no matter how much you try, some things in life, you can't be fully prepared for, no matter how hard you try. There are so many things I wish someone could have prepared me for, this would have been one of them, or the fact that I would have spent basically my 20's taking care of my mom, and working full time as a CNA, or the amount of times I experienced burnout, exhaustion from hardly ever getting a break. No one could have prepared me for that, I understand that, I just wish someone could have.
Another thing, which is never talked about, no one talks about what happens after your parents die. In my case anyways, it was like a huge slap to the face, I guess a reality check if you will, one that I never saw coming. People in the family, who I haven't heard from, basically my entire life, started to contact me, after my mom died, at first, I tried giving them all the benefit of the doubt, but now looking back, it's painfully obvious, that almost everyone who contacted me, after my mom died, was basically after the house, or things my mom had, or the money from the house. Basically, almost everyone around treated me completely different after the news spread, that my mom passed away. To be completely honest, at one point, I didn't know who to trust, or talk to, when it seemed that everyone was just after the house, or the money, or whatever my mom had left behind, after she died. I guess you could say, that after my mom died, my worldview was shifted in ways that I wasn't prepared for.
Now looking back on it all, it doesn't affect me that bad anymore, but it was a major life event that I so wish someone could have prepared me for, or explained to me in some way at least. Or the fact that you'll lose friends, or you'll cut people off from your life, after a major event like that, and perhaps even move away, like I did. Ya, no one talks about any of this, that after someone dies, not everyone, but for some people, like me, it's nearly impossible to stay in the town you grew up in, or stay in contact with people you've known for years. For me, the tipping point was the fact that, people in my family, who I haven't heard from, from years, all of the sudden, all started to contact me, after my mom passed away. Have that happen to you, and you tell me, if it doesn't cause lasting effects of trust issues? Because for me it did.
For me, if you actually care about someone at all, you'll keep in touch with them throughout their life, not just keep in contact for years, perhaps decades, and then out of nowhere you decide to talk to them again, coincidentally after their parent dies, kinda funny timing don't you think ?
So now for me, the word "Family" feels completely different now whenever I hear it. I honestly didn't know that any of that would happen after my mom passed away. It is true, if you want to know the true intentions of someone, put money into the mix, you'll get your answer right away. Money really does change relationships, for better or for worse, depending if your gaining more money, or you lost a large amount of money.
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