Yes I know, that if I would have gotten professionally diagnosed back then, I would have gotten more accommodations for myself in class, but knowing what I know now, and how I learn, I honestly think that being home schooled, having one and one lessons, would have helped me immensely when it came to my learning process, learning speed, and me actually grasping the lessons for each class, not just blindly going through the lessons, doing the homework, and tests, without actually understanding the material that I was being taught.
My main struggles were math, and writing, reading I eventually got better at, because I read a number of books later on in high school. But when it came to math, it felt like a foreign language, and with writing, it honestly felt like a nightmare, every time I would write something, I would misspell so many words, spelling them how they sounded in my head, having to constantly look up words, and redo what I wrote over and over again. If it wasn't for spell checker on computers, I would have been completely , and that's just the honest to god truth, as for reading, I've gotten a lot better at reading over the years, I just need to practice reading out loud.
As for being in school, and the way that the classes were structured, and organized, having classes that had 30 kids in them on average, it didn't give the teachers anytime to help kids that needed more one on one lessons, and to have more detailed attention to the material that they were struggling learning, even in the special ed classes, they had this problem too, when the teacher had 5 to 10 kids in the class. By the time the class was over for the day, the teacher didn't have time to ask if the kids needed anything else, or detailed explanations of the homework, or the material being taught in class. I mean, I remember a few times where I was given extra help during study hall, or in the middle of class if nothing was going on, but it wasn't all the time, so at the end of the day, you were still expected to do the homework, and learn the material on your own at home.
For people like me, who grew up with learning problems, it honestly felt like a constant uphill battle with our own minds, going to school everyday, feeling like something is wrong with you, but you have no idea what it is, feeling like your different from other kids but you don't know why, and then after a while, getting the feeling, that even though the teachers say it's ok to always ask for help, you can tell that their getting tired of you asking questions all the time, at least that's what it feels like to us. Eventually, slowly throughout the years, from middle school and then going into high school, honestly you just stop raising your hand, over time you slowly stop asking questions, asking for help. Silently, going to school, and then to home, and doing the homework, passing the tests, but not actually retaining, or understanding a lot of the material that was being taught in the classes.
And if your wondering, why I didn't ask for help at home, I tried, but after a few attempts, I could tell my mom didn't have the patience to help me with my homework. I was given a few books for learning concepts of money, but was basically expected to learn it on my own. It gets tiring, and honestly a constant blow to your self esteem, and self worth as a person. That eventually you just stop trying, caring, you just do enough to get by, and then by your third year in high school, you just want your senior year to go by as fast as possible, graduate and just move on with your life.
Ya, then when your out of school, years go by, you attempt to attend community college, and you barely pass your class, and then you drop out altogether, it might not seem like a big deal, but trust me, for people like me, who struggled silently their entire lives with learning in school, it matters a lot, the sad part is, most people don't care, or don't want to listen, when it's not their problem, they aren't the ones living with this, every single day of their lives. People who have problems when it comes to processing information, it affects them in a multitude of ways, from them struggling in school, to trying to go to college, to settling for jobs they don't want, or don't like, because it doesn't require them to use areas of there brain, that they have trouble with, when it comes to processing information. Take me for example, I settled for, doing CNA, and then I tried being a housekeeper, what do they both have in common? They are physical jobs, that don't require you to write, read or use math intricately for the job. Doesn't sound nice, does it? Yes I eventually enjoyed doing CNA, but that took me YEARS, to actually enjoy my job, and by then, my body was completely broken down, my feet, legs, and back in utter agony and sometimes constant pain.
The areas or subjects that I was interested, or wanted to pursue in college, I honestly gave up, or couldn't, because the required classes to take, were to complex for me, or the workload was too much for me to do at once. I figured, why try, when I had moments throughout middle school, or high school, when I was barely getting by, why would I want to go through that again? Until I did some digging online, like on YouTube, and now currently on TikTok, I thought it was just me. Like yes, I knew other's were going through it, kids I knew that were in special ed classes with me, but outside of school, me, and kids I knew, or friends I made, none of us actually talked about what we were going through, we all just silently delt with it.
My point with all of this, is in my opinion, for myself who had problems with learning, being home schooled might have been a better option for me, instead of being in public school, that way I would have gotten the attention I needed when it came to subjects that I was struggling with, and given more time to work on the homework, and study for test that I was given, that way I would have actually understood the material, not just passing the classes blindly.
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