Been doing a lot of thinking today, of my life, my past, memories, of my hopes, and dreams, of what I wanted to do with my life, way back when in I was in high school. Ya, I know, by 31, you'd think, I'd have everything figured out, well, lets just say, that things didn't go to how I planned them out to be. Life happened, like I said in my last blog post, things changed, and I ended up working as a CNA, and taking care of my mom. I guess over time, I forced myself to forget what I actually wanted to do with my life, when it came to a job, occupation, or as I would call it, a career.
I remember when I was in middle school, for a while I wanted to make video games, then a few years later in high school, I was interested in drawing, particularly drawing for making manga, and anime characters, then after high school, for a short while, I was considering voice acting, basically I was interested in something, where I could explore my creative side, I just wasn't sure of what avenue to pursue. And so, as the yeas went on, I basically forced myself to give up things that I actually wanted to do, and settled into working as a CNA, and finally after a few years, I started enjoying and loving working as a CNA.
But after so long, working as a CNA, and at the same time, taking care of my mom, part of me wanted to do with my life, that was mine alone, I guess for me that thing was drawing, that was what made me happy, gave me peace, my own little happy place, something that I did all on my own, not for anyone else but me. Maybe I'm being selfish for saying all of this, maybe I'm being ungrateful, I actually enjoyed taking care of the elderly, and my mom, but I also wanted to do something for myself, not just constantly caring for others. I wanted to help others, but in a way that wouldn't be so taxing on me, and part of me hoped that it would have to do with art, but I had no idea how to use art to help others, while also doing something that I enjoy. Hopefully that makes sense.
I don't know where I'm going with all this, but I'm just trying to find my place in the world, something I enjoy doing with my life, that could actually help other people as well. I don't know what it will be, but hopefully one day I'll find something I truly enjoy.
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