In the beginning, she had more and more problems with walking, her legs getting weaker and weaker, then after a while, she started to have problems with her back, back pain that kept on getting worse and worse over time. She basically took Ativan for anxiety, and Vicodin for chronic pain. The doctor visits became more and more frequent over time, eventually she kept requesting refills more and more often, not only more pills, but a stronger dose eventually as well. It's nearly impossible to notice how it can change someone overtime, when your the one living with them.
By the time I noticed how drastically everything had changed, it was basically too late to say the least, I honestly don't know if it was just influence of the pills she was on, old age, or both, of something else that I didn't consider at the time, like narcissism. But I can say this much, whatever it was, it changed her, from how she used to be.
The changes were slow at first, little quip remarks here and then after a while it just kept on getting worse over time, eventually her temper got worse and worse, yelling and screaming at me for little minute things. I honestly don't remember it all, because so much happened in the past decade of me living with my mom, and slowly over time, taking care of her, all I know is that it was a lot. It all happened slowly, but just got worse over time like I said, eventually, I ended up driving her around everywhere, to restaurants, doctor appointments, to the store, and even the pharmacy to get her prescriptions.
Over time, she gradually started to just stay in the house almost all day, besides going to the doctors appointment, or having her hair done, having me go driving around by myself, getting her prescriptions, getting fast food to take home, on top of all that, I was also working full time as a CNA, leaving me barely any time for myself. It was basically like having two full time jobs.
Slowly, towards the last few years of her being alive, I had to keep quitting jobs, over and over again, because my mom was getting sicker, and needed me at home, but at the same time, I needed to work, because we needed money for the bills, so it became an endless cycle of me, quitting jobs, getting a new job, trying to be at home, because mom needed me, and then the hospital visits, which became more and more frequent with mom towards the end. Mind you, I had no siblings, no one else in the family living nearby, yes we had family friends that would come by and help, and all that, but towards the end, more and more of it was on my shoulders. Most of the friends I had in high school, I lost touch with over the years, only kept in touch with one or two friends from high school.
While it was all happening, I didn't realize till after it was too late, of how bad things gotten over the year. While it was happening in the moment, I seriously thought it was all my fault, I say this, because it felt like, no matter what I did, it was never enough, over time, we fought more and more throughout the months and years, yelling and screaming at each other. It got to the point where time felt like it was blending together, from me going to work, and then coming home to take care of mom. I can't count how many times I went through mental and emotional burnout throughout the years, with taking care of mom and working as a CNA, also physical burnout too from lifting people at my job as well.
Back to the prescriptions, those pills changed my mom, from how she was into a person I no longer recognized, well also probably other factors that I didn't consider at the time, but I think the pills was a huge part of it.
My point with all of this? After what I went through, and probably a lot more that I can't remember right now, there should be better support for family member who I taking care of there loved one, and hotlines for signs of being addicted to prescription pills, and ways to implement an intervention with the person who is addicted to prescription pills, and possibility the option of the family caregiver be separated from the person who is addicted to prescription pills. That way they can focus on getting the person who is addicted to narcotics treatment for getting off the pills, and other help that they might need. And to also get the family caregiver help, therapy, or anything that they need, to heal and recover also. I hope by sharing this, it will help someone in some way, who might be going through something similar to what I went through.
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