Thinking about life ....

 

📘Been thinking a lot on my life these past few days, on how so many of my tastes and interest have changed over the years, it honestly shocks me, when I was looking at old YouTube Channels, the things I liked a few years ago, now I can no longer relate to them at all, or I just don't like them at all. Years ago, I would watch anything basically, even if it was a crappy movie, because so many people said it was cool, then I would watch it. I used to be really into horror movies, and even now, I still love horror movies, but I prefer old school horror movies, not the modern movies of horror, I remember years ago, I tried to watch the movie called, Oculus, and honestly, I hated the movie, it wasn't scary at all to me, and the movie felt like it was being dragged out for way too long. It was mainly about a haunted mirror, and how it affected the people in the house, for a movie that was almost 2 hours long, it just didn't appeal to me at all. 

I tried watching another movie called, The Nun, it was alright, but I wouldn't watch it again, the lighting was too dark, and the premise of the movie was just mediocre at best. So, ya there's that, even with anime, I have stopped modern anime altogether, if I do watch an anime that just came out, or one that came out a few years ago it's rare for me to do so now. I honestly prefer old school anime as well, I'm sure you can see a pattern here. 

Books, I'm even more picky with, when it comes to reading an actual book, some of the books I read back in high school, like Twilight, I honestly don't know why I even read that book, and I read all three of the books, the last book I just skipped to the ending, yes, for me it was getting that bad, that I just skipped to the ending to see how it ended. Maximum Ride by James Patterson, the first book was one of my all-time favorites, the books after the first one lost its magic for me. After the first book, it honestly felt like, it was just being milked out for money, and it makes sense for a profit point of view, the more books you make, the higher your sales will be, but from a reader's point of view, it honestly sucked. 

The movies, I loved all the old classic movies, like Gone with The Wind, even the Disney movies, basically anything from late 1990's to early 2000's and to the mid 2000's was a great time for movies and TV shows alike, but within the past few years, the movies that have been released and even TV shows, I honestly just can't get into at all, I've tried, Game of Thrones was an excellent show, but other's like The Magicians, or The Sandman were either bland or just utterly horrible. I've noticed now, on Netflix, they hype up new shows and movies so much, that when you finally watch them, and it's not what you were expecting, it's just a total let down, and like you just wasted your time. 

I guess I'm just old school at heart, maybe I'm different, but that's just me, strange how I've changed so much and yet some parts of me remain the same even after all these years. 

Earbuds On, World Off: Discover the Addictive Allure of Podcasts

                                                                                    Photo by Sanket Mishra: https://www.pexels.com/photo/youtube-music-stream-songs-and-music-videos-app-on-the-display-of-smartphone-or-tablet-16773548/ 

 Been listening to some amazing Podcasts shows on Spotify, one was called Zaya, and the other is called Listening in, both are basically a thriller, mystery, which I'm so love, the pacing of both of the shows was done very well, I finished listening to both shows in about a day or two, the first season of both shows I mean. Then afterwards, I started listening to Murder Mystery, and True Crime Podcasts which are amazing in itself, the way the people narrate the stories makes it extremely easy to get lost in the stories while you're listening to them. 

The way the creators add music, and sound effects to the stories, makes it way easier to get immersed, to where you can get lost in the stories being told within a few minutes of itself. It's amazing honestly, I didn't know that there were so many free Podcasts on Spotify, for me it's a Godsend so to speak, to have something to listen to while I'm working or cleaning house, or even just walking around town.

I would highly recommend Podcasts in general, there are so many different topics and genres that you can listen to, from talk, chit chat, to life advice, horror, sci-fi, mystery, history, education, there is just so many different topics to try out. The best part? You can listen to them whenever you want, while you're driving, doing chores, walking around, or just sitting back and relaxing. Also, by listening to Podcasts and audiobooks, it enhances your vocabulary, and helps expand your mind a lot faster than you might realize. I personally feel like I gained more out of listening to Podcasts within the past few days, then I have reading books or watching a video, I don't know why, I just feel like, I learned much more, and faster too.

And also, for people like me who have Dyslexia, listening to Podcasts, and audiobooks are a Godsend, in the fact that it makes learning and processing information much easier and smoother, compared to reading a book, a textbook, or even watching a video sometimes, because with a video, you have to watch the video so you see what's going on, you can't just listen to them, well you could, but it would be harder to get the context if you're not watching what's going on. 

Within a few days, I've gone through more information and shows from listening to Podcasts, maybe it's just me, but that's just what I've gone through. 

The Backrooms

 

I think by now, we have all heard of "The Backrooms", the famous picture of the yellow walls, and fluorescent lights, that was posted on 4chan back in 2019, for some odd reason, it feels like ages ago, even though it was only 3 years ago really. Since then, the idea, concept, and the whole notion of The Backrooms has pretty much exploded into a full-blown phenomenon all over the internet. 

I guess you can say there's two types of fans of The Backrooms, the old school fans, who liked the simple concept of what it was originally, that you were stuck in an endless maze with no way out, no food, no water, time distorted, you slowly losing your sanity, basically phycological horror. Then there is the other type of fandom of The Backrooms, the people who prefer to add multiple levels, monsters, sound effects, basically something in your face all the time, the setting changing constantly, the polar opposite of phycological horror entirely.

People have even made videogames of The Backrooms, then there's all the spin offs and the lore all over Reddit itself, with people adding their own take of what The Backrooms is, and what's inside of it. Some people speculated and questioned even question if The Backrooms is real at all, other's just treat it as a meme, a form of entertainment. You can basically find stuff about The Backrooms everywhere online, on YouTube, Reddit, TikTok, even on forums probably. 

Also, with The Backrooms, it also brought on, the conversation regarding the concept, Liminal Spaces, you go on YouTube, and you'll find hundreds of video essays about Liminal Spaces. 

It's strange, how one little idea, could grow into something so massive, just within a few years in fact. 

My thoughts on technology

 💻Strange how, with one click of a button, you can find sties online that you connect with completely, or maybe it's music, or a movie, or a TV show or book, or even a videogame. Not only strange, but sad even, how within the fictional world, that's sometimes where we feel the most at home, the most of ourselves. Perhaps, that's why, anime, videogames, movies and TV shows have been so popular, such an integrated part of our lives. If all these different types of media didn't matter so much to people, they wouldn't have had such a lasting impact on our lives. For some it's a means of an escape from reality for a brief moment, for other's it reminds them of certain times of their lives, for everyone the importance is different, but the fact that they are all still important, is still valid. 

Now, were in a time, were the Metaverse and virtual reality, A.I and other forms of technology being integrated into our lives, so technology is only blending even more into our lives. Or the online game, VRCHAT, that gained a huge mass of popularity, or even VTUBER's, basically any means of people escaping reality, and going into a world where they can be whoever they want to be, is becoming more prevalent as time goes on. At one point, during the early 2000's, no one thought that the internet, and cell phones would become a way for us to live our daily lives, we only thought that it was possible in science fiction, not in reality. 

My quick thoughts on the Metaverse the one from Facebook, the concept was interesting, but obviously, it's not going so well, people lost interest fast, and now the company is losing money, it's basically all over YouTube at this point. The concept is interesting, but as an actually concept that could work in reality, it has a long way to go.

Do I think technology is good or bad? I think technology is neutral, it's not good or bad, it's how you yourself use it that matters. We certainly have a long way to go with technology, but in some ways, we have come a long way already within the past few decades.

My thoughts on Modern anime, and Why I prefer older anime shows

 I guess you could say that I'm old school when it comes to anime, that if I had to choose, I would greatly prefer old school anime, over modern anime shows any day, very few shows that I've watched within the past few years, caught my attention like how the older shows I grew up with did. Maybe I'm biased, who knows, but it feels like anime has become way too mainstream, to the point, where majority of the shows don't force you to think, or make you question things, like how a lot of the older anime shows did. 

Now, most anime shows, are so generic, that it feels like you're watching the same plot just with different characters. I remember when Sword Art Online came out, everyone was crazy about that show, it was hyped up so much, that when it finally came out, everyone was talking about it. It felt like after the first season, the show of Sword Art Online slowly went downhill, it went from being a action show, about a bunch of people caught in a online game, to a comedy, to a harem mess, with a bunch of girls liking Kirito. 

After the second to third season of Sword Art Online came out, I stopped watching it altogether, I got tired of how, the show was repeating the same things over and over again, basically, a hack and slash, harem, comedy show. And so, I stopped watching anime for a long time. So, basically from 2012, till the last few years, I've stopped watching anime entirely. Then finally, sometime last year, 2021, I checked out some anime films and shows on Netflix, I was surprised that they weren't that awful, decent at best. I watched Violet Evergarden, which was a amazing show, one that I finished watching from beginning to end. B: The Beginning, was another great show, finished watching the first season of it, I liked it, a detective, mystery show, mixed with the supernatural.

Yes, I can tell that the newer anime shows, have better graphics, then the older shows did, but I preferred the way the stories were told years ago. Maybe I'm different, who knows, kinda why I'm starting to watch old anime shows, instead of modern anime shows. If I do watch a modern anime show, it will probably be very rare of me to do so. 

Kinda why, I'm making a list already of old vintage anime shows that I'm playing on watching within the next few months or so, then after that, either looking into old anime films, like Akira, or Battle Angel Alita. I prefer to watch stuff that actually gets my mind going, making me think and question things about life. 

Getting into Cyberpunk anime

 I used to watch sci-fi, cyberpunk anime, years ago, way back in the early 2000's, the main one's I would watch were, Ghost In The Shell, The Animatrix, Paranoia Agent, Eureka 7, and Code Geass. Personally, I think Eureka 7 and Code Geass were more sci-fi than cyberpunk, Paranoia Agent was more of a phycological thriller, The Animatrix was of course sci-fi, Ghost In The Shell was sci-fi, blended with cyberpunk, with phycological aspects along with philosophies, and discussing the social constructs of the world.

Towards the end of 2010-2011, I watched the anime's, Monster, tried getting into Ergo Proxy but couldn't at the time, because the pacing of the show was so slow, now currently years later, I just finished watching the show, Serial Experiments Lain, and now I want to rewatch Ergo Proxy, along with Monster, Texhnolyze is another cyberpunk anime I just found out about, planning on watching that one as well, I'm so glad that I'm getting back into watching this type of anime, the type that makes you think, and actually question things about life, reality, and the world around you. 

I wish I had friends that were actually into all of this stuff, but I never found anyone that enjoyed watching any of it, so I guess I'm weird, or think differently, who knows, I just know, that I enjoy media that entertains me, but also makes me think, that way I'm actually getting something useful out of what I'm watching, and not just blindly consuming content, without learning anything. 

I can't wait to watch some old classic anime shows that I haven't seen before, as well as rewatching some old ones that I didn't get a chance to finish years ago. It's so nice to actually be using my mind again, thank God for cyberpunk anime. 

My thoughts on Dyslexia

I didn't know till I was in my late 20's that I had Dyslexia, I honestly thought that I was slow, or retarded, or broken, or that something was just wrong with me, I finally did some research, and a lot of the symptoms of Dyslexia, matched what I've struggled with my entire life. The spelling, ya, I pretty much misspell words all the time, if it wasn't auto correct, when it comes to typing, I would have been screwed completely. With reading, I vaguely remember the teachers in middle school, testing me over and over again, when it came to how fast I could read. 

When it came to textbooks, it felt like I was constantly reading in a language that I didn't understand, there were so many times, were I would have to reread pages, over and over again, just to understand the concept. When I would write, I would constantly misspell words over and over again, I wasn't doing it on purpose, I would write out the words, the way that they would sound, and when it comes to English, it doesn't work at all, trying to spell words that way. I was secretly relieved knowing that with typing, I could get out more, faster typing, versus when I would write by hand. Tho, it's ironic, because I loved journaling, writing by hand when it came to journaling, by other than that, I hated it. 

Since I've listened to Podcasts and audiobooks, I didn't realize till now, of how much I actually suffered with Dyslexia, gathering information with audiobooks and Podcasts, is so much easier for me to process, compared to when I have to read books or textbooks. 

I remember taking the CNA class, reading the textbook, and watching videos on YouTube, and even with the videos, I struggled so much, trying to retain the information, that I would spend hours upon hours, rereading the textbook, rewatching videos, and I still had trouble remembering it all, let alone, understand it. It didn't actually click till I was working as a CNA finally. 

I'm probably going to write more about this later, but ya, those are my thoughts so far, on having Dyslexia 

Lost in Layers of Reality: A Captivating Review of 'Serial Experiments Lain

I just finished watching the anime show, Serial Experiments Lain, and honestly, it's one of the best sci-fi anime shows I have seen in a long time, I would put it up next to the show, Ghost In The Shell, and that's a first coming from me, for over a decade, my all-time favorite show was Ghost In The Shell, but now Serial Experiments Lain is a close tie.

I'm very picky when it comes to sci-fi genre in general, I love when it's mixed with horror or has a phycological twist to it, basically forcing you to think abstractly, and out of the box or what people would consider normal. The only other anime shows I've seen that were sci-fi, within the past year, were two, one called Erased, and another called, B: The Beginning, they were both good, but not one of my favorites when it would come to sci-fi.

Anyways, back to the show, Serial Experiments Lain, I loved it from the beginning to the very end, towards the middle of the show, I had to stop watching it for a while, because the show was getting VERY dark, and I rarely say that about anime shows, tonight I finally decided to finish watching the rest of the show, and I'm so glad that I did, it covered so many interesting topics, about the concept of God, the structure of reality, the internet blending with the real world, and how the internet can affect the way people view each other, and how the information on the internet can change the world in a small way or a big way. I thought, the way the show ended was beyond perfect, I'm definitely going to rewatch it again in a few months. 

The show came out in the 90's, and it shocks me of how, ahead of it's time that show was when it came out, a lot of the topics that it covered in the show, is stuff that is actually going on in today's time, how people perceive each other differently online vs in the real life. It's one of those shows, you have to rewatch a few times, in order to understand it all, that's how complex it is, and it's only 13 episodes. 

The main reason I'm so picky when it comes to sci-fi, is well, most sci-fi movies, live action ones, are basic shoot em up movies, with a plot that is set in the future but doesn't force the viewer to think deeply, or critically at all. I watched the movie, LUCY, starry Scarlett Johansson, it was a fun movie to watch, and yes it did have interesting concepts in the movie, but nothing to major. I understand why tho, it was aimed at the general audience, so they had to make a movie that everyone could watch and enjoy. Or when they made a live action movie of Ghost In The Shell, I loved the movie, but I could tell, they dumbed down a lot of the core elements of the plot structure, and the elements of question of what makes you human vs gaining more knowledge, again, Hollywood did that, so everyone could watch it. 

So, for me when it comes to anime, books, movies, anything that is geared towards sci-fi, that is why I'm picky, I want it to force me to think deeply, critically, and to actually teach me something new, that I didn't know before. I think that's why I love mystery books, or the anime show Death Note, it forced you to think, and basically predict what would happen next, the show wasn't holding you by the hand, you had to actually THINK, in order to understand what was going on in the show. Now that I'm listening to mystery Podcast stories, I can tell, they do in fact force me to think deeply, think ahead, and guess, and predict of what will happen. 

As for Serial Experiments Lain, I'm beyond thankful that I finally got myself to finish watching the show, I would highly recommend it to anyone who loves sci-fi and phycological twist. 

The magic of Podcasts and Audio Books

For the past few weeks, I've been listening to more and more Podcasts, and honestly their amazing, how it's so easy to get lost in the stories people tell, taking you out of your head, out of your own world for a brief moment, and into another one. Without realizing it, by listening to podcasts and audiobooks, it helps you picture and imagine what all is going on, and the best part, you can sit and relax while you're listening to them, or you can be walking around your house, doing the chores, doing work, or just going out for a brief walk. I'm probably going to look into audiobooks again VERY soon, because as much as I love the podcasts thriller shows I've found, they are way too short. Basically, if I really wanted to, I found basically listen to, and finish one whole season of a show, in a few hours, were as, with audiobooks, you can listen to one for much longer. 

I also enjoy listening to Podcasts of people who dissect and analyze some of my favorite anime shows and videogames, it's so much fun hearing other people's opinions about all of it, and it helps hearing other people's perspectives on what I used to watch as well. It helps clear my mind and stops my mind from overthinking about too many things, calms me down, and actually gets me back into a better mood, and I'm starting to enjoy Podcasts way more than regular TV shows and movies, before I knew about Podcasts and audiobooks, I would just listen to music nonstop, over and over again, but with this, I can actually expand my mind and learn much more, and faster too. I also love how, you can just listen, and not have to worry about watching the screen, it's a way better experience in some ways, something that I would never have thought, that I myself would have said a year ago. 

If I would have known about all these books and shows I could listen to, I would have done this way back in high school, it would have helped me out greatly, since I have dyslexia. Now I can just listen, without having to worry about concentrating on reading the words, or looking at the screen the whole time, in order to see what's going on. In some ways, it makes learning, and entertainment way easier for me, and I'm sure, with other people who have dyslexia too, it would be great help, perhaps even a lifeline in some ways. Hopefully, teacher's actually push all of this for students who have trouble with reading and spelling, it would help them learn a lot faster, because it's less that they have to concentrate on themselves. 

It's just my opinion, but if something works for you, do it, as long as you're learning, then that's all that really matters in the end. I'm probably going to continue listening to audiobooks and podcasts from now on, as my main source of entertainment, and learning, I honestly feel like, I learn ten times faster this way, versus when I'm reading a textbook, or watching a video. Yes, I love watching YouTube videos, but sometimes, I can just feel it, like mentally I'm using 50% of my concentration on watching what's going on, instead of just listening. I would tell anyone who has Dyslexia, try out audiobooks and Podcasts, whether it's on YouTube, Spotify, Apple store, or whatever else you use, it could literally change your life and how you view learning and being entertained. 

Multiple options

 This is just my opinion, but from what I've experienced so far, I would honestly say this, Blog on multiple sites, same thing with vlogging, use multiple platforms to get your name out there, that way you won't be putting all your eggs into one basket, that way you're not reliant on one site, hoping and praying that it will work, if you have your work spread out through multiple sites, you won't be putting all your hopes on one site.

I'm planning on starting a YouTube channel as well, already started a mini store on, Redbubble, whatever works, I'm planning on sticking with, and just using the others as side projects later on, and in that way, I'll always have something to keep me busy.💗💗💗💗💗💗

The aftermath that they don't tell you about having a hysterectomy at young age.

Long story short, I had a hysterectomy about a year ago, the aftermath of the surgery, I couldn't describe the pain I felt, it honestly felt like I was going through the pains of having a child, without actually having one.

The recovery, was a long, agonizing process, I pretty much was stuck in bed, resting, sleeping, going to the bathroom, was unbearable, every time I would go to the bathroom, it took everything in me to not scream.

Litterly right after I woke up, I was told that I was infertile, and couldn't have kids, then given the underhanded joke that I could still do it with someone without worrying about pregnancy. 

When I looked up information online about the recovery process of the hysterectomy, most answers were saying that I would recover within a few months, no,it took me a whole year to recover, and that's not even covering the ordeal I had to go through, grieving and accepting that I could never have kids, ever.Yes I know that now we have feminism, but the expectation is still there, to get married and have kids.

No one talks about it, I frankly have given up looking for any answers on reddit, and as for being infirtle, no one really talks about how heartbreaking it is, and that after a certain point people just expect you to get over it and be fine, when deep down it litterly kills you, and the fact that every time you go outside, its a constant reminder of what you will never have. 

It still hits me, knowing that I can't have kids, ever, I understand why most women who have gone through this don't talk about it, it's because it's taboo, by default your expected as a woman to bear children, in societies eyes, that's how it's always been.